Here's The Plan

I used to believe that having a baby would be the end of my social life and that it would mean that I'd be stuck at home forever and ever with no recourse to go out with other human beings of my age, forever condemned to only go out with children of my child's age to places like Chucky Cheese's.*

It was, honestly, one of the reasons I never wanted to be a father. Selfish? Sure. But it was also honest.

The fact of the matter is, I was wrong. There is a way to ensure that you will have time to go and be with other adults, or even just get some time with your significant other, just the two of you, without the baby. It's so simple I'm amazed and ashamed I never thought of it before now.

Have an adorable baby.

Like this one!

If you have an adorable baby, everyone will want to babysit! They'll go out of their way to take time to come watch your beautiful, angelic little child! This should be a tip doctors share with everyone who is going to be a parent.

"Well, Mister and Mrs. Flompdoodle, congratulations. You're pregnant! Now, there's one bit of advice that I give all of my new parents-to-be: Have an adorable baby. Now go on and work on that."

"I understand you're trying to have a baby, Mr. and Mrs. Inglesack. Here's a book describing 37 positions that will ensure you conceive an adorable one. It's very important. Trust us. We're a doctor."

So that's my advice to new parents everywhere: Have an adorable baby.

Or Like This one!

Good luck.


*This wouldn't be so bad if I were allowed in the ball pit!