Thursday, October 31, 2013


Well, of course the first thing I did was grab my camera:

Babies are miniature parkour artists.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Happy (Early) Halloween!

She dragged that inflatable cat around for about an hour.
I'm writing this post last night.

Well, from your perspective I'm writing it last night. From mine I'm writing it right now.

Let's just call it a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff and move on with it, okay?


We went to a Romp 'n Roll celebration tonight* and bought our little miss a pretty Minnie dress. It came without the ears but I doubt those would have stayed on longer than thirty seconds anyway so that's okay.

The gym was absolutely packed full. Children running everywhere, parents trying in vain to keep up, or giving up completely and slumping against the walls in defeat. My little girl ran around the room, pursued by me, Auntie Amanda, and mommy while she dodged in and out of the (literally) barrels of children (at one point she was run over by a soft barrel that had a child in it and one pushing it so I'm allowed to say "literally") without getting a scratch or bump on her**.

Lois and her favorite Auntie Amanda.
She was so exhausted after an hour and a half of frantic play that we got home, had a small dinner, a short bath, and then she fell asleep on her Auntie Amanda on the couch at 7pm (a full hour before bed time!), causing Auntie Amanda  to have a late dessert because she couldn't bear to put the cuteness to bed.

Mommy must have gotten pretty tired too because she just went to bed (remember, I'm writing this right now, which is last night to you) at 8:30! It was pretty hot in there with all those people so it probably sapped the energy right out of both of them!

Perfectly timed shot of my ladies.
Then again, as shown in the picture to the left, today has kind of been a lazy Sunday. I think the only reason we got Lois into any kind of non-pajamas outfit was because we had to go out into public.

Is that bad? I mean, personally I feel okay not necessarily getting Lois all dressed up in day clothes when we're just chilling at home and nothing big is going on. She's warm and comfy in her PJ's, so I just let her keep them on some days.

If we're going out though, I dress her. We all know that daddy gets comments from strangers if he doesn't make sure his daughter is well-dressed when we go out. Comments like "Mommy must have been tired this morning to let daddy take you out like that, huh little sweetie?"

Have you ever had to remind yourself that it's not okay to shout at old ladies in the grocery store? Is that normal?

*Last night.
** Not counting the bump that's on her.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Three-Week-Long Plague

The little one still has the Plague. She's had it going on her third week now if my calculations are correct. Then again my calculations have been notoriously bad in the past. I may have once calculated that one quart equaled one tenth of a gallon.

Don't ask.

You'll note a lack of pictures in this post. You can thank me now for that. Pictures this week would have included much grossness and I wanted to spare you that if possible. On a scale of 1 to 10 for grossness, this week I'd have to say it'd be ranked as "Oh my dear sweet lord, what is that coming out of your face?" or maybe "At this point, the snot outweighs her entire body."

She's off her sleep because she's sick. She eats less and won't eat things she'd normally enjoy. She's clingier than normal and the poor baby is just generally miserable. Plus, she can't even go to the baby gym. She doesn't climb on the couches as much (note to Lauren: She now knows the difference between her feet and her nose, climbing safely off the couch most times) but she does wander back and forth, back and forth, down the hallway to the front door, like an old man who is hard of hearing and waiting for someone to come visit, checking the door to see if she missed someone knocking while she was far away.

The little one's mom had the Plague too, last week. It was not the happiest of households to be in. Hopefully I continue to avoid it. I did mention that since I was in a house of sick people for a week and I had to take care of everyone, now that she was feeling better I was pretty sure that meant I got the week of from any responsibility.

That...didn't work.

One note for anybody out there who is about to have a child: Children's medicine for colds isn't to be used for any child under 4, from what I saw today. That means that when (not if) your baby gets a cold and is more miserable than Spongebob without the Krusty Krab or Team Umizoomi without the Umi Car* you have to just let them be, wipe their nose, and let them suffer.

No wonder kids grow up hating their parents!

*No, I don't watch a lot of children's television. Why do you ask?

Monday, October 21, 2013

I've Totally Got This!

Watching TV, going to class with the little one, and talking to others there are often questions posed by the people involved. Shows will ask "What number is this?" Teachers will ask "What color is this?" Friends will ask "Can you say <insert random word here>?"

And every time I have to stop myself from answering.

See, somewhere in my brain when I hear "Can you say yellow?" my brain goes "Holy crap! Yes! Yes! I totally can! Yellow! YELLOW! Mother-effin' yellow! I got this!"

My mouth opens and I have to physically restrain myself from saying anything, letting Lois answer.

I don't know what that says about me.

"Um, daddy? I love you but I've got this. Thanks!"

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Memory Lane

Remember these things?

Weren't they literally the coolest things in the universe when you were a kid?

You pull them back as far as humanly possible and then let go, laughing in glee as it onomatopoeia's itself for the next thirty seconds. Repeat for an hour or so.

In my head I always called it a "Prang." I was disappointed to find out it's called something so boring as a "door stop."

I think I'm going to keep calling it a "Prang." Capital "P" and all.


Where was I?

Oh, right! The point!

Lois has just discovered this amazing little toy in the hallway. She sat for the last half-an-hour, flipping it back and forth, making the noise, and giggling like a tiny little idio - um - cute baby.

She looked up at me a bit ago and had this look of joy and discovery on her face.

It was just awesome and I wanted to share.

My baby is becoming a person. A person who likes Prangs just like her daddy does**.

I get a front-row seat. I'm a lucky guy.


*My brain keeps trying to make that into some kind of chemical formula and it's kind of bugging me but I'm going to leave it because I believe it's a good representation of the noise. So mote it be.
**And all right-thinking folks.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Oh, The Places She'll Go

I said "Smile!" This is what I got. Isn't she adorable?
Until today we've had the living room blocked off from the rest of the apartment. A smallish area, probably 9'x10' or so if you take out the furniture, which means she really only had about 6'x6' of space to walk around and play in.

Baby proof? Yes (or at least as baby safe as possible), but not really great for exploring and mental stimulation.

Today we took away the baby gate, opening up the dining room area, foyer, and hallway. We've closed off the other rooms until we can make them safe for her (or she's old enough to know not to put things into her mouth, so, like, 16) but now she has a bajillion more areas to explore!

Some of which are out of daddy's eyesight unless he moves.
Raise your glass in celebration!

Which, of course, means that I'm now constantly in motion, following her behind couches, down the hallway, and around the corner.

She's loving every minute of it, of course. Daddy's attention, plus freedom? It's a wonderland of awesomeness!

I'm going to be busier than normal until that level of busy becomes normal. I'm pretty sure that's sort of parenthood's essence bottled up, yeah?

I kind of miss the days when she couldn't move.

There's no going back to then, is there? No matter how hard I try?

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

If You Have A New Parent In Your Life, Stand Upwind
Sometimes parents, new parents specifically, have issues doing things that you might take for granted. Showering, cleaning the house, going to the grocery store; all of these things are surprisingly a bit harder than normal when you have to take into account a little child who is more likely than not to try eating something deadly the second you take your eyes off of him or her.

Or crying. Try showering with an awake, "not tired" baby, put down in her crib for her own safety. Oh, the tears*.

It makes me feel good that Dave Kellet, relatively famous creator of Sheldon realizes this and shared it with the world: Now we don't need to talk about the "Zone of Stank," we can just refer our childless friends to this comic.

Click to make it bigger. Read it. Laugh at it. Then realize how very, very true it is. Then feel a little sad. Then laugh anyway.

*Remind me some day to tell you how I can't even go use the bathroom without either having to leave the door open so that she can watch me** from the edge of her crib or close it and listen to her crying. Gah!

**My leg. I close the door partly so that she can only see part of me; it seems to work.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Well That Happened Quickly

"Dad, stop."
As you can see here in this amazing "selfie" that I took, my daughter is already embarrassed to be seen with me.

I mean, I knew it was going to happen, but at 14 months old? I must be the most embarrassing dad ever!


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

As a parent I sometimes say things and then find myself thinking "Did I actually just say that?"

The answer is yes. Yes I did.

  • "You just sniffed her drool."
  • "Yay, poopies!"
  • "Good butt-scoot!"
  • "Please stop hitting me with that book."
  • "Did you just lick the baby's face?"
  • "Oh, dear, lord, the drool went right up my nose."

I Told Her "Smile Pretty."

I swear I didn't teach her that.