Friday, January 31, 2014

Friday Picture Post

We've given Lois free reign of her own room now. I walked in the other day to find her in her chair, looking at me innocently as though she weren't trying to get into trouble.

I was immediately suspicious.
I later came in to find her reaching for the one thing in the room that wasn't for her.

Of course.
She still loves the box she got for Christmas. I'm glad we bought her all those toys so that she can play with them in her favorite box ever.

 I recently cleaned out some of the toy boxes. Lois has found a new favorite box!
This morning we cuddled up to watch some Paw Patrol while mommy slept (mommy didn't get home until 2 AM from her Chicago trip) and Lois brought her monkey with her.

She loves her monkey almost as much as she loves sitting in boxes!

Thursday, January 30, 2014


I had a nightmare last night that jolted me awake from fear:

I looked up from the bed in the middle of the night and Lois, who had been safely put to bed in her crib, was walking through the doorway.


That's the whole dream.

It was heart-thumpingly terrifying.

"I don't get it, daddy. Sounds like a good dream!"

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


Here are a few things that I couldn't justify as posts all on their own but still wanted to share:

As I mentioned before, Lois has been sick lately. Her stomach has been a bit upset. This morning we all went out for breakfast and thought she was okay so we gave her milk instead of the Pedialyte she's been getting.

It seems that she still seems to be in a little bit of gastrointestinal distress. She was crying for no apparent reason, right up until she farted on me, loudly and several times. The tears stopped and she's happy now. She was giggling as she did it.


I was watching the little one eat some cheese and was amazed at how quickly it was disappearing. She was obviously happy with it and I could add Gouda to the list of foods she enjoys. I watched her happily, looked away for a moment, and when I looked back I saw that she was pulling her shirt out from her chest, looking down inside of it. While I watched she opened her mouth, spat out the cheese, closed the collar of her shirt and patted it back in place. I don't want to figure out how much cheese is in her shirt.


 Me: "Lois, it's time for bed."

 Lois: "NO!"

 She then immediately got up from her spot on the floor and led me to her bedroom. I put her down without a sound.


Laura: "Lois, honey, please eat your food."

Lois: (Very clearly) "I don't like that!"

Both of us: "Okay then, you don't have to eat that."

 We weren't going to force the child to eat it if it was so bad that it had an 18 month old talking in complete sentences. I don't even remember what it was but whatever it was, she didn't like it.


She just farted on me again while I wrote this and then laughed like a madman.

Me And The Baby

"What seems to be the problem, officer?"
It's just me and the little one until tomorrow night when Laura gets home from her interview in Chicago. (Good luck, hon!)

This morning I let the little one run around the house and play in the places that have been "baby-proofed."

She brought me two dirty diapers from her garbage can.

I can handle this. I've got this. Let's not tell mommy about the diapers.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Here Comes Trouble

I heard Laura ask from down the hallway, "What do you think you're doing, little girl?"

This was followed by a young child squealing in laughter, then mommy's laughter.

Apparently, mommy had come upon the sight of the little one getting into the trashcan in her room (ew) and when she asked Lois what she was doing, Lois promptly turned, laughed, and tried to close the door in mommy's face.

She's learned how to open and close doors, knows exactly what she's not supposed to get into (as evidenced by how she gets into it), and is cute as a button.

I can't help but say, again: We are in so much trouble.

The Dreaded Blergh

We've all caught The Blergh here.

Some kind of stomach ick has hit our household pretty strongly. We all seem to be getting over it and will probably be healthy by tomorrow, just in time for Laura to fly to Chicago for her interview, but yesterday was definitely not a pretty day in our household.

I'm glad we're getting over it though; I have no idea what I would have done if Laura were going to the interview tomorrow and Lois and I were here, sick together. Yesterday I barely got out of bed. The Blergh hit strongly.

Even sick, Lois is a good baby. She cries more, and fusses, but so do I so we can't really blame her. She wants to be cuddled a lot and generally is quieter and less frenetic when she's not fussing. I can tell she's feeling better today though: She's throwing a fit because the spoons aren't spoony enough, not for no reason. The spoons aren't spoony enough.

I'm still a bit out of it. Better updates coming later. Lots of photos for this week's Friday Picture Post, and funny stories to share when I'm up to writing them.

Be good to each other!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

They Don't Tell You

Something other parents fail to mention when you're a new parent is that your child will have you completely, 100% convinced that they are dying.

Oh, your friends with children will say "She was screaming like somebody was murdering her!" They'll laugh as though it's a joke, you'll chuckle and think that it can't possibly be that bad since the friend is laughing about it. No big deal, right?


The laugh from your friend is a lie. An utter, bald-faced, lie.

Your child will scream at 11:30 PM with a high-pitched shriek that you only ever hear in horror movies. There will be something primal to it, a scream of such horribleness that it could only be born of pure terror and pain. Your child is dying. You'll be sure of it.

Except that you were sure of it the 4 other times you already checked on her that night.

And the 5 times the night before.

And the night before that.

Except then there was that one night. You thought she was just trying to get you to come in there, screaming like a murderer had crept into her room. She kept on for over half an hour so you thought "I'll just go look in on her and see how she is."

Her leg was caught between the slats on her bed and her body had twisted as she fought to free it. She must have been in terrible pain, and you let her be like that for the last half an hour.

Maybe that's happened again, now.

Maybe she's really in pain.

You need to go check on her to make sure it's not that again.

And of course it isn't. Her scream that has the neighbors calling CPS is just her trying to get you to come in to rock her until it's time to wake up. That'd be great, thanks daddy.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Jerk Baby

Lois kept her mommy up all night. Daddy didn't get home from his night out doing karaoke until 1:30 AM but after that Lois kept mommy AND daddy up. Her diaper needed changing, she needed a drink, she randomly woke up sad and lonely, a shadow looked like an angry clown. I don't know why she was up (except for the diaper and drink), I just know she was up all night.

Mommy brought the little one into our bed to snuggle, which didn't really happen. The adults tried to sleep while the little one did her best to punch mommy in the stomach while kicking daddy in the nose and biting the cat. At 7:30 I decided I'd had enough and brought her out into the living room with me so that at least one of us adults could get some sleep.

Lois is now sitting next to me on the couch, sucking her thumb, sound asleep.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Friday Picture Post!

 The day Lois was sick she fell asleep in my arms. She went from "I'm wide awake" to "eyes completely closed and snoring every so slightly."

She was adorable but I was worried at this point, as you'll soon see.
 I was honestly trying to smile when I took this picture. The problem was that I was worried about her being sick and her falling asleep so quickly; even my smile came out as a worried frown.

As I write this, she is better. I'm telling my past self not to worry so much, that she'll be okay.
 At Rompy's, Lois is starting to get interested in the equipment for the "big kids" and I think it's awesome!

She still doesn't understand the concept of "hanging on" but she'll get there eventually! Right now I lift her up, she grabs the rings and then lets go the moment any of her body weight is put on her hands.

It's a slow and steady process.
 Here, we have the naughty baby trying to climb up on the cat tower.

This is the one thing we consistently have to discipline (time out, 30 seconds) her for. She stops for a day or two and then back she goes.
"Did I leave the stove on?"

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Worst Daddy Ever

While she was sleeping I put laundry in the washer downstairs, thinking I'd have an hour or so which meant, of course, that she woke up in the next twenty minutes. No big deal. I'd put her in her chair, give her some food, and change the laundry over to the dryer while she ate.

Sure, I don't like leaving her alone for even just a few minutes but she'd be fine. The food was safe, she'd be locked in her chair unable to get into trouble, and I'd only be gone for about five minutes.

I came back to a little girl, face caked in tears and snot, red-faced, sad and alone.

I am the worst daddy, ever. I feel horrible.

Poor little girl thought I left her here alone. Of course she didn't understand that I'd only be a few minutes. All she saw was me walk out the door, saying something that she didn't understand, and then not come right back inside.

I am a horrible father.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Shortest Post Ever: Grossness Ahead

Well, that's it. I'm a dad. There's no going back, now.

The day you find yourself catching your child's puke is the day you know that you're never going to have the same life you had before. Ever.

At least by the third time it happened I had grabbed a towel and wasn't using my bare hand.

Cuddled up with daddy, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Warning: Pictures of Adorable, Descriptions of Gross

The pictures you are about to see have absolutely nothing to do with the words I'm writing. You're welcome.

She saw me put on a glove and then tried it for herself!
Tonight was the first night that I've woken up, sure something was wrong with my little girl.

Well, no.

Tonight is the first night I've woken up feeling that something was wrong with Lois that I've been right.

I heard her coughing and at first worried she was choking but then heard her continue breathing. For some reason that wasn't enough for me to feel comfortable going back to sleep. I literally broke out in a cold sweat.
She does the same with mommy's shoe all the time!
Now, I've checked on her so many times in the last year and a half that it has gotten kind of ridiculous so I try telling myself that it's okay, that nothing's wrong, and that I should go back to sleep. I fought against the urge to go check her for about twenty minutes before I finally gave in.

A stench hit me as I walked into her room.

The poor girl had thrown up all over her bed. I won't go so far as to describe it but trust me when I say that it was gross.

One thing about me is that I don't do well with bodily fluids. I've learned to deal with poop and pee through repeated exposure (ugh) but this had me clutching at my own stomach immediately.

I did what any 30-something man would do: I called mommy in to handle it.

Just chillin'.
I whisked Lois away to the bath and Laura cleaned up the crib.

I know, I know. She needs her sleep, yes. I would totally have let her sleep, too, if I could have handled it on my own. Instead I needed to make it a team effort.

Honestly? I'm hoping this is something I never get used to due to repeated exposure.

The little one is okay, if you're worried. She's fine.

If I fits, I sits!
After a nice warm bath with two or three shampooings* and going out in the cold to get her Pack n Play from the car she's comfortably resting in our room, snuggled up with a cup of grape-flavored Pedialyte.


And me? I'm up for the day.

An inauspicious beginning to today. Let's hope it brightens up from this point forward.

Poor girly.

*I hope that I will be able to get the image of what her hair looked like before the bath out of my head some day. Otherwise I'll never be able to look at my daughter again without feeling slightly queasy.**

**I joke, I joke.***


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Funny Girl

I was writing something else here first but then this just happened:

Lois played with my goatee and when I put her down (to stop her from yanking my hair) she reached up to her chin and started feeling around. It was adorable and hilarious.

Now, on to what I was saying before:

"I'm reading, daddy. Please do not interrupt me."
Laura and I had a field day with this photo opportunity, our flashes flashing like something that does something a whole bunch.

The more I look at this photo the more it makes me grin and chuckle because not only is she reading a book but she's reading a book at a table. She's reading a book at a table, while sitting in a box.

What you can't see is that the television was on behind her, trying to get her attention and she preferred to flip through this book several times.

If I didn't know it already, this confirms it: we have an absolutely amazing little daughter on our hands.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Travel Report (Pictures!)

Last week we were visiting friends in Maryland. Lois got to play with all new toys, experience new places, play with new friends, and pet a lab puppy.

She was in heaven and loved pretty much every moment of it.

I think the puppy, on the other hand, was ready for us to leave by the second day we were there.

We stayed three more.

Our friend's home is a bit larger than our own, and more wide-open. Lois got to run around a lot, chase her new friend Hope around, and be chased in turn.

She was much tireder than normal, which was nice since the three of us shared one room; being tired meant that she slept fairly well.

This is Minnie and she liked curling up on the couch near the adults, out of reach of the children, when she wasn't chasing the children around trying to herd them all into one room.

She's a good dog.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Friday Picture Post

 I never like photos of myself but I'm willing to make an exception for a shot of me with my amazing little girl.

Also, I really need to shave.

I made the mistake of taking her out in zero degree weather the other day; I haven't experienced that kind of weather in a long time and forgot how cold that really is!

When we got back inside she stayed under the covers with her milk and elephant for a good hour or more, keeping nice and warm.
I really like this picture of her. She's watching Paw Patrol, cuddling with her elephant (it's that gray smudge behind her arm, on the arm of the chair), and enjoying her milk all comfy and warm in this beautiful blanket.

I don't remember who made that blanket for her but they did an awesome job. It's beautiful, warm, and perfect for her on a cold winter's day.
She sucks her thumb but often covers it/holds it in place with her other hand.

Also, this outfit is one piece and the way it's made reminds me of a baby straight-jacket of some kind.

With parents like us, I suppose that's appropriate.

Monday, January 6, 2014

What My Daughter Did

Here she is, pretending adorable innocence.
When putting pants onto Lois I say "Pants" and she puts her legs straight out in the perfect position for sliding the pants easily in place. It's great!

Except it has become a game, lately. She moves her feet out of the way, dances, and generally wiggles.

Today was different.

Today my daughter proved she's an evil baby genius.

I had finished changing her, got her pants out, and said "Pants!"

She squirmed her feet out of the way, looked me dead in the eyes and responded "Say please."

I was more than a little startled. As I hesitated she continued to wiggle and generally be a pants-less nuisance. She looked at me again, "Say please!"

So I did. "Pants, please."

She laughed and continued to squirm.

"Say princess!"

I blinked several times, wrestled her into her pants, and we will never talk of this incident again.

Here she is, telling her monkey minion how daddy's a sucker.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Actual Advice

Laura said earlier that if she could, she would grab people in the supermarket who are about to buy diapers and tell them to buy them on Amazon with a monthly subscription instead to save a TON of money. I realized that I have new parents who actually read this blog that might not have thought of that as an option so here's some advice for you:

I feel old because even while I'm writing these suggestions I'm thinking how weird it sounds to order food or baby things online and have it delivered monthly (or more or less often) right to your door. Isn't that kind of crazy?

No? I'm just old?

Okay then.

Get off my lawn.

I felt there wasn't enough Lois in this post, so here she is.