Interview With A Baby

Good morning everyone! Today we have a very special guest on our show! We've talked about her a lot, said some things that maybe she wishes we hadn't, and she's everyone's favorite cute baby (unless they have their own)! LOIS!

Lois, come on out here would you?

"I only agreed to this because my agent said I have to." - Lois

Lois: Hi Dad-Thing!

Dad thing? Really? We're calling me that now?

Lois: Well, mommy's "The Big Milk-Thing," would you like me to find you a different nickname?

No, no, dad-thing works just fine, thank you. So, how are you today?

Lois: I'm okay Dad-Thing. A little fussy because it's time for my eleven o'clock feeding and nap but you're keeping me up instead.

Actually, if you recall honey, you were fussy and didn't want to nap so I suggested this as a great cure for insomnia.

Lois: I'm five and a half months old. I don't even know what those words mean. Also, I only agreed to this because my agent said I have to. He's an idiot sometimes.

But I'm your....moving on!

We've heard some very scandalous things about you, Miss Stubborn. Some people say that you often wait until after you're changed to soil your diaper. Do you do this on purpose?

Lois: Oh now there's a clever idea. I wish I could say that I did this purposely but the fact is it just happens.

"Ooh, now there's a clever idea." - Lois

At this point I really have very little to do with any of that. Now, as soon as I have a little more control I'll be sure to do exactly what you're suggesting. Thank you for the idea, Daddio!

*mutter* Yes, you're welcome. I'm sure.

Recently, it's been noted by your mother and I that you've been sleeping well throughout the night, often going to bed by 8 and not getting up again until 6 or 7 the next morning. Is this a trend that we can expect to continue? Will you keep allowing us to get our sleep?

Lois: HAHAHAHAHAHAH! You're funny Daddy-Thing and I love you....r naive sense of the world around you!

Frankly? No. Next month I'm going to start developing a tooth bud on my bottom gum and it's going to really bother me so I plan on staying awake all night crying. Oh, I'll probably go to sleep eventually but I'll wake up every hour with a few cries just to remind you that I'm in pain and make sure that you don't sleep comfortably. After that more teeth will start coming in and I'll just be in a lot of discomfort all night.

Aren't you lucky? This way you can be sure you'll be awake all night long and experience more out of life!

Very thoughtful. Any last words for our readers at home today, darling girl?

"This is a serious topic." - Serious Lois

Lois: Yes, thank you. I want to talk to you about the dangers of underage baby drinking. This is a serious topic. I know that recently a lot has been said about me and some "problem" I may have. The truth is that I'm free and sober for all five and a half months of my life and those pictures are a lie.

Babies should not be drinking anything except The Big Milk Thing and the bottle of the milk stuff if they need to.

Also, I want it known publicly that you have a horrible sense of humor. I don't know what 'porn' is yet, but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't be paired with the world parenting.

Aaand, that's all the time we have for now folks. Let's leave off with this clip of our young lady here. She says she's against baby drinking but we're not so sure about that, really. Take a look:

Goodnight, folks! See you again next time!