Things I Can't Say/Do While Mommy Is Here

Sometimes I say or do things that get me "The Look." You know the one - the one that promises a slow and painful death while also somehow saying "Dear Lord, what have I done to deserve you in my life? How bad was my karma in my last life?"

Some things I am learning I cannot do or say while mommy is around:

• No throwing toys at the baby from across the room, no matter how soft, to get the baby's attention, especially if I then follow it up with saying "Wow, you're still really bad at catching" when it inevitably bounces off her head.
• "Jeeze Lois, stop being such a baby!" is right out.
• During a vocal interplay with the baby while she is babbling and I'm replying I should not at any time say "Oh yeah?!" and then proceed to make a "Yo Mamma" joke.
• No asking the baby if she wants to meet the fishies "up close and personal."
• I am not allowed to do any of the following things from this video: