Shortest Post Ever: Grossness Ahead

Well, that's it. I'm a dad. There's no going back, now.

The day you find yourself catching your child's puke is the day you know that you're never going to have the same life you had before. Ever.

At least by the third time it happened I had grabbed a towel and wasn't using my bare hand.

Cuddled up with daddy, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Warning: Pictures of Adorable, Descriptions of Gross

The pictures you are about to see have absolutely nothing to do with the words I'm writing. You're welcome.

She saw me put on a glove and then tried it for herself!

Tonight was the first night that I've woken up, sure something was wrong with my little girl.

Well, no.

Tonight is the first night I've woken up feeling that something was wrong with Lois that I've been right.

I heard her coughing and at first worried she was choking but then heard her continue breathing. For some reason that wasn't enough for me to feel comfortable going back to sleep. I literally broke out in a cold sweat.

She does the same with mommy's shoe all the time!

Now, I've checked on her so many times in the last year and a half that it has gotten kind of ridiculous so I try telling myself that it's okay, that nothing's wrong, and that I should go back to sleep. I fought against the urge to go check her for about twenty minutes before I finally gave in.

A stench hit me as I walked into her room.

The poor girl had thrown up all over her bed. I won't go so far as to describe it but trust me when I say that it was gross.

One thing about me is that I don't do well with bodily fluids. I've learned to deal with poop and pee through repeated exposure (ugh) but this had me clutching at my own stomach immediately.

I did what any 30-something man would do: I called mommy in to handle it.

Just chillin'.

I whisked Lois away to the bath and Laura cleaned up the crib.

I know, I know. She needs her sleep, yes. I would totally have let her sleep, too, if I could have handled it on my own. Instead I needed to make it a team effort.

Honestly? I'm hoping this is something I never get used to due to repeated exposure.

The little one is okay, if you're worried. She's fine.

If I fits, I sits!

After a nice warm bath with two or three shampooings* and going out in the cold to get her Pack n Play from the car she's comfortably resting in our room, snuggled up with a cup of grape-flavored Pedialyte.

Yum.

And me? I'm up for the day.

An inauspicious beginning to today. Let's hope it brightens up from this point forward.

Poor girly.

*I hope that I will be able to get the image of what her hair looked like before the bath out of my head some day. Otherwise I'll never be able to look at my daughter again without feeling slightly queasy.**

**I joke, I joke.***

***Mostly.

Funny Girl

I was writing something else here first but then this just happened:

Lois played with my goatee and when I put her down (to stop her from yanking my hair) she reached up to her chin and started feeling around. It was adorable and hilarious.

Now, on to what I was saying before:

"I'm reading, daddy. Please do not interrupt me."

Laura and I had a field day with this photo opportunity, our flashes flashing like something that does something a whole bunch.

The more I look at this photo the more it makes me grin and chuckle because not only is she reading a book but she's reading a book at a table. She's reading a book at a table, while sitting in a box.

What you can't see is that the television was on behind her, trying to get her attention and she preferred to flip through this book several times.

If I didn't know it already, this confirms it: we have an absolutely amazing little daughter on our hands.

Travel Report (Pictures!)

Last week we were visiting friends in Maryland. Lois got to play with all new toys, experience new places, play with new friends, and pet a lab puppy.

She was in heaven and loved pretty much every moment of it.

I think the puppy, on the other hand, was ready for us to leave by the second day we were there.

We stayed three more.

Our friend's home is a bit larger than our own, and more wide-open. Lois got to run around a lot, chase her new friend Hope around, and be chased in turn.

She was much tireder than normal, which was nice since the three of us shared one room; being tired meant that she slept fairly well.

This is Minnie and she liked curling up on the couch near the adults, out of reach of the children, when she wasn't chasing the children around trying to herd them all into one room.

She's a good dog.

Friday Picture Post

 I never like photos of myself but I'm willing to make an exception for a shot of me with my amazing little girl.

Also, I really need to shave.

I made the mistake of taking her out in zero degree weather the other day; I haven't experienced that kind of weather in a long time and forgot how cold that really is!

When we got back inside she stayed under the covers with her milk and elephant for a good hour or more, keeping nice and warm.

I really like this picture of her. She's watching Paw Patrol, cuddling with her elephant (it's that gray smudge behind her arm, on the arm of the chair), and enjoying her milk all comfy and warm in this beautiful blanket.

I don't remember who made that blanket for her but they did an awesome job. It's beautiful, warm, and perfect for her on a cold winter's day.

She sucks her thumb but often covers it/holds it in place with her other hand.

Also, this outfit is one piece and the way it's made reminds me of a baby straight-jacket of some kind.

With parents like us, I suppose that's appropriate.

What My Daughter Did

Here she is, pretending adorable innocence.

When putting pants onto Lois I say "Pants" and she puts her legs straight out in the perfect position for sliding the pants easily in place. It's great!

Except it has become a game, lately. She moves her feet out of the way, dances, and generally wiggles.

Today was different.

Today my daughter proved she's an evil baby genius.

I had finished changing her, got her pants out, and said "Pants!"

She squirmed her feet out of the way, looked me dead in the eyes and responded "Say please."

I was more than a little startled. As I hesitated she continued to wiggle and generally be a pants-less nuisance. She looked at me again, "Say please!"

So I did. "Pants, please."

She laughed and continued to squirm.

"Say princess!"

I blinked several times, wrestled her into her pants, and we will never talk of this incident again.

Here she is, telling her monkey minion how daddy's a sucker.

Actual Advice

Laura said earlier that if she could, she would grab people in the supermarket who are about to buy diapers and tell them to buy them on Amazon with a monthly subscription instead to save a TON of money. I realized that I have new parents who actually read this blog that might not have thought of that as an option so here's some advice for you:

• If you use disposable diapers, buy them on Amazon with a monthly subscription in order to save a TON of money.
• Do the same thing with baby wipes.
• Heck, you can even do it with bottled/jarred baby food or formula.

I feel old because even while I'm writing these suggestions I'm thinking how weird it sounds to order food or baby things online and have it delivered monthly (or more or less often) right to your door. Isn't that kind of crazy?

No? I'm just old?

Okay then.

Get off my lawn.

I felt there wasn't enough Lois in this post, so here she is.