Language Warning: Conversations I Never Expected With a Less-Than-Two-Year-Old

"I'm gonna shake the maraca all the way to hell, daddy!"

Lois has recently been introduced to floating balloons. Grammy Pam gave us three, red heart-shaped balloons filled with Helium. They're awesome and they are Lois' favorite toy right now as they float around the room or follow her when she's actually holding onto the string.

She and I sat on the dining room floor, her holding a balloon, and an overhead fan on low spinning above us. I asked her why she thought the balloon floated up when she let go of it. The following is the conversation I am pretty sure happened:

Lois: Balloon float up because good!

Me: So you think that the balloon goes up when you let go of it because it has some kind of inherent goodness?

Lois: Yuh!

Me: Okay. Why does the milk fall down when you let go of it, then?

Lois: I no want talk 'bout morals of milk.

Me: That's fine, honey, you don't have to talk about milk, then. Can you tell me more about the balloon? What's going to happen if you let go of it right now with the fan spinning above us?

Lois: I'm gonna make that fucker fly!

*Stunned silence*

Laura from the kitchen: What goes on when I'm not in the house?

Me: I apparently have no idea.

Lois then proceeded to let go of the balloon. To be fair, that fucker flew as it smashed into the fan and was flung all about.