Just So You Know

Despite what many of you think, I am not perfect. Don't look so shocked, I'm human just like you. Let that settle in for a second, just sort of relax and let it sink in: I am not perfect.

You know who seems to think quite highly of me, however? No matter how much I screw up?

This little girl.

It's amazing when she smiles at me every morning as I blearily get her out of her crib to change her and feed her, preparing to face the day.

She trusts me not to drop her even though she tries to get dropped.

Even when I'm jokingly gruff with her all she does is smile because daddy's being silly again.

How did I get so lucky to have such an amazing daughter?

I don't know how but I know that I'm grateful.

She's still a little stinker, however. Just look at that grin. Stinker!

Auntie Amanda

I'm just going to leave this picture here:

Sleepy baby is inappropriate baby.

And I'll put this one here to help clear that image from your mind:

The meeting of the minds.

Much love to Auntie Amanda, who has no clue these are going up on the blog...

Conversation With A Friend and Play Time!

After going to playgroup today, where Lois met other babies and had a fun time destroying her new pants in the grass, I was talking with a really good friend of ours (we'll call her "Amanda" because that's her name) about how cute it was to watch Lois meeting other babies.

Me: The other babies her age(ish) didn't really know how to play and neither does she, so it was kind of funny watching them try to learn how to interact.

Amanda: That sounds adorable!

Me: It really was! Lots of pawing at one another. Heh.

Amanda: Ha! Like teenagers only little and cute!

Me: Well, yeah, but I was trying not to go there.

Amanda: Well, you ARE the parenting or porn guy!

This really made me laugh and then quiet down so as to not wake up the (very sleepy from sun and activity) baby. I had to wonder if I really want to be known as "the parenting or porn" guy but then I started laughing again so I think I'm okay with it.

And Lois really did have a good time at the playground with the other kids today! Granted, a lot of her time was just running around in the grass, tumbling down a hill and generally chasing after the big kids but she was super vocal and quite active. It was adorable to see!

Her interactions did lead to me saying things like "Yes, honey, that's the baby's eye. Now, let's move your hand out of it." Which was a little strange.

I do think we have a little extrovert on our hands! She wants to meet all the people within a 20 foot radius of her and has absolutely no fear of going up to the moms or kids to climb all over them. Adorable little baby is going to be trouble, I can just tell.

Bring it on, trouble. I'm ready.*

*I am SO not ready.

But I Swear, I'm A Good Dad!

So much luggage at such a young age.

Here you see my child, crushed by luggage, and I swear it's not my fault. It's the baby's fault.

It's totally legitimate to blame things on the baby, right? Especially when they are her fault?

See, I built a wall to act as a barrier to keep her safe and sound. Part of the wall was this piece of luggage, leaned at an angle that made a small tunnel far too small for her to ever even think about crawling through.

So of course, she tried to crawl through.

I may have laughed as she cried a little after she knocked the luggage down on itself. I immediately rushed to her rescue* and she was fine.

I reformed the barrier and she is now completely sealed in and safe.

She was obviously completely traumatized by the experience.

*After getting the camera and taking a picture to share with all of you, of course.

MOMS (And Me)!

Today I took the little one and went on an adventure! She and I met new people at the local MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support) Group for a playgroup with a bunch of other little ones, as well as other adults for me to chat with.

Now, you may be asking yourself about that whole "Moms" thing. True, I am not a mom in the traditional sense. It's also true that I'm not a mom in any other kind of sense. The fact of the matter is that most groups are there for stay-at-home mothers because, well, because that's society for you right now. This group is kind enough to open up to stay-at-home dads as well, which is great! It gives me a chance to meet other parents and Lois a chance to meet other kids: Perfection!

Last time I posted about Lois meeting other children wasn't all that long ago and I was concerned about her becoming a bully. Thankfully that wasn't too big of a deal this time around. Lois would go play with the other children momentarily and then go off in the grass to do her own thing. When she got bored with doing her own thing* she would go back to find another child, play for a few minutes, and then crawl off to go get in trouble with something either too small for her to play with (since 'playing' still consists of 'putting it in her mouth to see if she can swallow it') or a toy that wasn't quite age appropriate.

"I can do this, daddy!"

Overall it was a really nice time and I enjoyed meeting all the people whose names I probably won't remember until the third or fourth time I meet them because I'm horrible with names but my not remembering their names has nothing to do with not having a good time and everything to do with my brain being kinda sucky sometimes.

Let me try that again.

It was a really nice time and I enjoyed meeting a bunch of new people. I also really loved watching Lois interact with their children. I'm looking forward to the next playgroup which is this Friday. I am certain to feel horrible for not remembering a single name and will reintroduce myself to the entire group.

Still, it'll be nice to see my little girl interact with other kids and not beat them up for their candy or toys.

*Normally consisting of ripping up some grass, tasting it, spitting it out, then trying another patch somewhere else nearby.

My Baby, The Bully

She snatched the toy away with violence seen often in 6-week-old kittens after throwing down her own. The toys were identical except that this one was one that The Other Baby had, and so she decided that she Must Have It.

She turned away from the other baby, a small red-headed girl there with her mother, and slyly put the large red disk of plastic into her mouth, marking it as her own and no longer property of The Other Baby.

I was mortified. My daughter is a bully at almost a year of age. Already. What will the future hold? What have I done wrong?!

Bully baby!

(The other parent there laughed and gave her daughter another of the toys to play with, telling me that this is absolutely normal and all babies do it. Her daughter seemed un-fazed by the thievery but I remember what it was like to be bullied. Don't worry, little red-headed baby: my daughter's reign of terror shall cease!)

Some Conversations

After telling a story about how I threw something at the baby -

Laura: "You mean you threw it TO her, right?"

Me: "No. You have seen far too much at this point for me to lie to you. I throw stuff AT her."

Laura: *Silently glaring at me*

Me: "It's SOFT stuff!"

After a few moments thought I had to expand on that last thought for honesty's sake -

Me: "Well, to be honest I should have said that I only throw soft stuff at her head."

I then wandered away innocently while Laura shot me a look that I am SURE would have melted my eyeballs out of my head had I been looking.

------

After throwing something at the baby from across the room and scoring a direct hit while Laura was not looking -

Me: "Direct hit! Right in the fac-um-chest! Whoo!"

Laura: "Uh-huh. Good save there because I totally didn't hear you say face, first."

------

Laura is sitting at her work desk, working hard on her day's tasks while I'm chatting with the baby -

Me: "Hey now, no crying or I'll slap you with this sock!"

Laura: "What did you just say?!"

Me: "You're working and can't hear me!"

I use this often in order to get out of trouble. Somehow she doesn't see my logic and it often doesn't work as well as it should.

No Mommies Allowed!

The penguin statue on the shelf rocks. GO PENGUINS!

This is our fort and you can't come in. It's only ours. No-one else allowed! No mommies allowed!

Mostly because nobody else would FIT in this fort with the two of us in there.

You can see here that I am wearing my classy white undershirt and gray shorts (if you look closely but don't). You can tell it's the classy one because there are no stains on it and it has short sleeves as opposed to no sleeves. The baby is styling in her pink onesie with no bottoms.

We are a very high-class family, thank you very much.

Shortly after this picture was taken, Lois grabbed the basket and threw it over her own head, yelling gleefully in a Northern accent "Father! I have absconded with the fort and taken it over myself, for I am a criminal mistressmind and am now well fort-ified!"

She's still not very good at hiding, however.

My daughter is apparently British, well-educated, and a bit of a feminist, as well as being a horrible punster. She takes after me in so many ways! I'm very proud.

Things We Don't Tell Mommy

We went to Ohio to be with some friends for the Fourth of July (otherwise/properly known as "Ferrett's birthday"). At a party with new friends I realized that I seem to be telling a lot of baby stories where I had to look around to first make sure that Laura wasn't within earshot.

For Example:

I was teaching my daughter how to give a high five about a week or two ago (a skill she has mastered before turning one year old thanks to my awesome training and her super high intelligence) and she just wasn't getting it. I'd put my hand out and she'd grab my finger or try to bite it. Once, she licked it. The entire hand. Ew, baby slobber.

We have some little baby snacks that are like small cheese puffs. Remembering back to my dog training days I went and got a handful of the "baby treats" and began again. I held my hand out as the baby's little eyes focused on the deliciousness in my other hand and when she touched my hand with her little hand I immediately rewarded her with a small bit of treat.

Building it up, she very quickly learned how to give me five, and even learned how to high five very quickly. Laura doesn't appreciate it when I say things like "Training a baby is even easier than training a golden retriever!"

So I don't say things like that.

Because I'm smart.

Go Home, Baby. You're Drunk.

Drunk baby!