My Brain, My Enemy

I've often struggled to explain how my brain works but tonight I've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

I just put my little girl to bed and she cried for about 10 minutes, then whimpered for 2 more minutes, and then stopped. She was quiet, the exact result I was looking for. I was happy and then this conversation happened between me and my brain:

Me: Yay! She's sleeping!
Brain: Yay! That's great!
Me: Thanks for agreeing. I thought you'd be trying to get me to worry.
Brain: Worry? Why would I get you to worry? She's been sleeping peacefully without incident (except that one time you found her face down in the mattress, not moving at all, remember that time?) for 9 months!
Me: *slightly nervous laugh* Yeah. 9 months. She's fine. The plan to teach her to self-soothe is working!
Brain: That's great! And besides, every other time you've checked on her you just end up waking her up and she's been fine. So she's fine now. Probably. It's not like she's in there suffocating.
Me: Um.
Brain: Suffocation has got to be a horrible way to die.
Me: I'll be right back.

*cue sound of baby crying*

Brain: Told you she was fine. Should have let her sleep, idiot.