- The baby is "feeding," not "getting on her Mom Nom Nom."
- A pump for breastmilk cannot, under any circumstances, be replaced by a wet/dry vac.
- Do not compare raising a newborn to raising a puppy; the glare you'll receive will be epic.
- Babies DO like music. They like to be sung to even if your singing ability sucks. My little girl loves Goodnight Demon Slayer by Voltaire.
- If your baby cries when you sing she is NOT singing along.
- If your baby seems to be pooping a lot then you might want to try the tried and true method of "deal with it." Newborns poop. No, let me rephrase that: Newborns void their bowels with the regularity of something that happens regularly and more often than you think it would.*
- Babies aren't so great at being subtle. When they look away from you during their awake and quiet time** this is the baby's signal that they're done with you. They may still want your warmth and cuddles but your sparkling personality is wearing thin on them at that moment.
- Don't let this hurt your feelings; babies have short memories and will completely forget whatever it was you were doing that annoyed them within the next minute or so. Probably.
- My baby is cuter than yours.
*Like crossing your legs or blinking in a Haboob.***
**The whole 2 minutes that they're both awake AND quiet in a day.