In The Delivery Room

Our little precious baby (I've been told it's important to reaffirm that she is precious and not to say anything negative like "our little weirdo" or "this little proto-human") was born via C-Section and I was the only person allowed into the room at the time of delivery. As such I have learned two valuable lessons and I would like to share them with you:

1 - There is a blue curtain that is positioned between you and whatever is going on below your loved one's head and neck area. This blue curtain is there for a reason and no, the doctors do not want you to look below it. Ever.

I would strongly suggest following the doctor's suggestions and do whatever you can to keep that blue barrier between you and the surgery. It's not a pretty sight. When I was younger I enjoyed the Surgery Channel on basic cable but this was definitely not the same; trust me.

2 - Laura became ill during the procedure and lost her lunch. I think she may have lost her breakfast and the previous day's meals as well. I found them though and it wasn't pretty. Thinking I was doing the right thing so that I didn't start losing my meals as well I looked backward and to the left.

Look backward and AWAY from the table. I looked just in time to see the doctors literally throwing a great gob of blood and cotton toward a wastebasket and missing. It splattered across the floor, leaving large splashes of deep red blood stains along the stark white floor.

I looked back to the puking and was okay with that decision.

And remember what your job is while you're in the room; you need to tell her that she looks pretty. That's your only job. Make sure she knows that you're doing your job and that she is the most wonderful woman you've ever seen. I suggest that you have a map with Tennessee cut out of it to pull out at this moment and when she asks why there's a hole in the map you say "Because, you're the only ten-I-see."

I guarantee this will work*.

*Guarantee not valid. Anywhere.