Things Not To Say

Men, if you'd like to keep your head during the pregnancy and shortly thereafter, here are a few things you'll want to avoid saying:

• If the nurse says "I know we said that your baby will be a girl but we think we might see something else and she might be a he" you should not say: "Hey hon, at least her name changes easily to a boy's name!" (Lois to Louis)
• When she's having a contraction and you can see it on the monitor you don't have to tell her; she knows. Believe me, she knows.
• "Wow sweety, I've never seen anyone projectile vomit that far!" (Note: Okay to say later but not during.)
• "Guess who's stinky! Here you go, hon!"
•  It's "breastfeeding" and "pumping." Under NO circumstances are you to refer to it as "milking."

Keep these tips in mind and you might survive.