Dear Little Girl: No.

I'll just be over here, being adorable.

Dear Lois, my sweet little girl;

Please understand that I will do whatever I can to make your life better and more fulfilled. I will take whatever steps I need to take to ensure that you are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. Whatever I can do. Whatever I am actually capable of doing.

That being said, please understand that there are a few things that daddy just can't do:

• Most importantly: Those will never produce milk. Please stop trying to get to them.
• I can't let you hurt yourself. Please try to understand this and don't cry when daddy pulls your little claws away from your fragile beautiful eyes.
• And please stop burying your nose in daddy's chest when he's holding you in the papoose. Daddy likes it when you can breathe.
• I can't not change your diaper. I know it's a horrible thing, someone taking away your dirty diaper, cleaning you up with a clean wipe, and putting on a new diaper, but if you could just try to understand that I want what's best for you and maybe not cry? I would appreciate that.
• I'll admit that you're actually pretty good about this compared to most kids I've met so I can't complain too much. You're a good baby.

Right now that's about it, little girl. If you could just keep being awesome then I would appreciate it. Sure, you still don't sleep all night, you're not the brightest bulb in the box, and your timing has permanently earned you the title "Professional Cockblocker" in daddy's mind but you are amazing and daddy loves you. You may not be a bright bulb yet but you glow. You don't sleep all night but your quiet wakeful periods, smiles, and coos are a gift. You may be a cockblocker but...

No...that part I haven't quite forgiven you for, yet.

But I still love you.

With love and hope for the future,

Daddy

I'm the one on the left.