Fake Fake Faker Baby

All together now: Awww!

This is how we want you to picture our baby when we post pictures of her online: Sleeping, peaceful, serene. We want you to believe that it's all easy, that she's sleeping well through at least most of the night and that we're getting hours and hours of sleep. I mean, just look at her there, all quiet and reposed.

We want you to believe this because we don't want you to know the truth. The awful truth:

Our baby is a liar. A faker. A scam artist.

We will hold her, rock her, feed her, bop her around in a little dance all in an effort to get her to fall asleep so that the two of us might be able to savor a few minutes of time together. Our darling little girl will close her eyes and be lulled into what we are sure must be dreamland. We even wait an extra five to ten minutes sometimes to make sure it's real. Finally we're sure of it: She's asleep in our arms.

We put her down in a crib or her playpen.

Within moments her "Nobody Is Holding Me" Detection Device (patent pending) goes off full steam and she is flailing at the air, her little face screwed up in rage, turning a bright red while screaming at the top of her adorable lungs. (Picture to come later.)

We pick her up, assure her the world is okay, and try to get her to sleep, still wishing that maybe mom and I could even just cuddle for a few minutes. She takes a deep breath and her eyes close. She looks like maybe this time she's really sleeping.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

Now please pardon me; I can hear her waking back up in the other room from where I placed her 3 minutes ago and I'd like to let mom sleep for a bit longer since she was up all night with a cluster-feeding child.