Friday, September 28, 2012

Picture Post! With Advice About The Camera

Ready to pop! (Don't ever use those words.)

Let me take a moment and talk with you about the importance of having a camera with you during the periods directly before and directly after the birth.

Not during. Nobody wants to see that. What? You think you're going to have friends over and pull out the slideshow like "Hey guys, look at what I did!"

Dr. Jenelle and our fresh baby.

Mom, alert and ready for trouble, with Lois.

Her: "Don't post that photo online." Me: "Of course not!"
No. Just no. Be there for the mom-to-be as she's pushing or they're cutting her open (and remember, don't look; seriously) but keep that camera down during the birth itself.

(Note: There may be a brief opportunity to get a picture of the VERY newborn baby; you should do this so that someday you can gross out your little boy or girl, showing them covered in slime, looking like some kind of swamp-monster-thing. Other than that, though, no camera!)
That's the most uncomfortable pull-out couch in the world. I loved it.

 Now, a camera before the birth and after the birth are completely fair game and it's your job to get as many pictures as possible to commemorate the occasion! Even if they aren't exactly glamour shots! Especially if they aren't exactly glamour shots!

See, when she starts reminiscing you need a way to say "See what you went through, honey?" to remind her of what it was actually like before she gets it through her head that she wants to go through it again. You need a subtle reminder of the hours of hell in labor, the pain, the feeling she had of wanting to shove that camera up your bum if you don't get it out of her face....

Just sayin'.

But know that none of the photos you take will be amazingly wonderful pictures. You're in a hospital and no matter how nice the hospital may be it's still a hospital and she'll probably still be wearing that beautiful hospital gown.

So when you post those photos on the internet in a blog of your own there's one thing you need to do afterward:


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